Struggling along

As the first real week of school draws to an end, and all the kiddies are about to drag themselves home, tired & cranky, Toby loses his voice again as his new eyegaze computer has had to be sent back to Melbourne due to faulty batteries, it's very disappointing for us as he was just starting to use it appropriately. Oh well we should have known as nothing ever works well for us, ever. We always somehow get there in the end, but it never works first time. It's going to be a few weeks so for now it's back to the podd book, & limited communication. But well struggle through, we always seem to know what Toby needs, it's at school that's the problem, but we are very thankful that we have a great school. They have just spent $70,000 on a relocatable bathroom for our boy! It has a special electric bed, a shower & a toilet with a Toby sized toilet chair, it's so amazing I want it at home!  I am told that as he gets older & goes to other classrooms the unit can be transported to the back of each classroom and plumbed into place ready for the next year, we are absolutely blown away at the inclusion ability of this school, Toby has cemented his place & is even a bit of a celebrity around school. 

also as the week draws to a close, I'm reflecting on some bad news we got, with Kents cancer growing and causing more difficulties for him, it's getting harder to get out & about but each day is different, ranging from gingerly going out in the boat & having a fun day to not being able to get out of bed due to pain. It's the nature of the disease and it sux. But day by day we will deal with it, forced smile and all. It makes it easier to appreciate the little things, it's hard. But it's all good 

Alone

Writing this post is really hard for me, I don't want to upset people, and there have been many people who have been doing their best to help us and I would like to acknowledge all their hard work.
Today, Kent and I feel really alone.
we feel like we are travelling this journey, a horridly bumpy journey without our back up, without our road side assist.
We feel alone.
Being home from our holiday and trying to settle back into life, its been 3 weeks and we have yet to be able to catch up with the majority of our friends. Not for lack of trying, and I know life goes on for everyone, its a busy time of the year and all of that. but we have rarely even received a phone call to see how we are going.
We missed a lot of things while we were away, I missed my best friends wedding as I sat in a hospital waiting room. Again Alone, hearing that I had to figure out how to get my hubby home before he passed. We were all scared that moment. Ill never forgive myself for missing that special moment my best friend married her soul mate, but I was were I needed to be. beside my sick unconscious husband.
There are many times in life where we need to make decisions that we wish we never have to make, I'v made some horrible decisions in the past and Im sure Ill probably make the wrong ones in the future as we inevitable rush down the roller coaster toward some very hairy decisions. but we can only work with what we have at the time. what we know at that specific time.
I thought my husband was dying. I had to make the decision to get his family up there to help us get him home. We made the decision to cut our dream holiday short and head back home. there really wasn't a choice, it really wasn't a decision.
No sooner as I had rearranged our plans, I walked back into the hospital to see my beautiful husband smiling at me.   I didn't  know weather to be happy or to kill him myself.  don't get me wrong, I was extremely happy he was ok, But I couldn't help but feel disappointed we had to end our holiday. It was the one thing we had dreamed of doing together ever since we met back in march 2007.
We have often talked about travelling Australia, and we'd even made many plans, most of which have fallen through as life has taken many a different turn for us.
So why do I feel alone,   Its a Saturday night and we are home, our friends are out having fun, and why shouldn't they, but I'm envious, with Toby we find it hard to get out, we find it hard to get out with hubby, its just hard, and I wish people realised just how hard,  we can't visit many people, because they have stairs, we struggle to go out as we have limited funds, we struggle to go out as we are both so very tired at the end of the day, we just want to go to bed.
For these and for many other reasons I'm sure, we don't get invited out. keeping friends is hard as they feel the pressures of both Toby's and Kent's illnesses, they find it hard to understand and often don't want to understand.
We feel alone because people just don't understand us and seem to stay away from us.

Sometimes all I want is to hear form my sisters that things will be ok, they don't get it, they get on with their lives and are able to forget about us, they have never seen me struggle, never seen me cry.
I am told I am strong, told I'm a fighter,  Im not, Im broken, just going through the motions. I struggle to drag myself out of bed. Once I'm up, I get moving and don't stop until its time for bed again, its often the only way I can get through the day. Im not strong, I get on with it for the ones I love, I do what needs to be done. what disappoints me is that when times get tough we are left to our own devices. Times are tough, we both feel it, but at least we are together, together we can help each other through this.

Fighting spirit

After a full on week of discovery, some good results some not so good, this family is taking a well earned break, and a trial camping trip, in preparation for our upcoming adventure holiday. We took off to the beach for a night to chill out, & to ensure that everything "works". I'm a controll freak and I need to make sure that everything is 'just right' not easy to do when you are taking off for a month camping around Australia, but I'll do my darndest to make sure it's all great. 

So just after I'm admitting to being s controll freak I'm now going to tell you just how out of controll our lives really are. 

So Toby, Larissa & I all headed to Sydney to the Royal Institute of the Deaf & Blind Children RODBC where they put us up for the best part of a week to do some assessments on Toby, to hopefully assist him and his teachers for school next year & for setting up his eyegaze computer and for us to best help him with his hearing and communication.  Communication is a huge thing for us, given Toby is deaf and non verbal he has never really had an issue getting his needs across to us. But those that dont know him struggle to 'talk' to him and understand him and he can't just 'ask to go to the movies' or something outside of what we pre empty for him. For us this is unacceptable. We want & have always wanted him to be able to communicate as effectively & independently as possible for him & that's why he's soon to get a super computer that he can use with his eyes.  But currently he has a special book. A PODD book that uses specialized pictures to help him tell us his needs but it hasn't been working that well. 

This week we found out that although his actual vision is ok he has a Cortical Vision Imparememt. Which means that his brain struggles to understand what he is seeing and it can be hard especially in times where there is lots going on & lots of noise for him to make sense of what he is seeing therefore his current PODD book, just won't work for him, there's simply too much information on each page, makes sense, that's why after 12 months he is still struggling to use it propperly. 

Yet another "diagnosis" yet another thing our poor little man has to coap with, but for us this diagnosis although crappy, is kind of positive. It explains a lot!  It's what I knew for a while, without actually knowing what it was. I knew the book was too much & have been fighting with speech therapy for a long time over it so in a way it's nice to know I was right & now we have the proof and can focus our energies towards the right way to el Toby!   That was discovery number 1!  That was ok.  I can deal with that, something not so good, but not so bad either. 

The next discovery....... Not so good. 

While we were away Kent stayed home & was off to the Drs for an ultrasound on his hip.    He's had inconsistencies with his pain since having his hip replacement in June. He was recovering well but then started to get more intense pain, we were worried it was the return of his cancer and he went off for X-rays, ct scans and bone scans. Amazingly all came back clear for Cancer in his bones, we wre greatly released but still concerned that something was amiss as he is still requiring lots of pain relief & struggles to do most things.   

This week he went off for an ultrasound after he pushed the doctors saying it feels like a giant "corky" something has to be up!   

The results weren't great. They were horrible. Although one could say it was expected it's still Another huge blow to our little family. It showed 2 small metastatic densities mixed up in the scar tissue. The cancer is now in his skin cells. He can't have any more radiation as he's had too much for that site, & we aren't interested in chemotherapy until we get back from our trip as he wants to be as fit & healthy as possible. & chemotherapy would make him Ill & potentially even hospitalize him while we are away, it's also not guaranteed to do a lot anyway so we decided to take the risk.   A crazy risk, one should never have to decide between a family holiday & chemotherapy,  it just sux!  There is no other word for it, no more to say!   It sux! 

So after that week we have taken time out and taken to the beach one of our favorite places. Time to just be! 

Climbing those steps

A few days ago, we attended a christmas break up party for the children in our Deaf community. It was held at the local water slide, which is an interesting place to hold this kind of event, given the children can not use their hearing aids / devices in or around the water. so the deaf children, are…Deaf.  I mean ,they can not hear properly without their aids. Anyway, so we arrive at the slide, knowing full well that it was also a totally inappropriate place for my child for other reasons. He cant walk, or sit up, or hold his own body up at all so, how was he going to get to the top on the slide? last I heard there weren't many watersides with lifts to the top so that the physically disabled could have fun too.  

Despite it being inappropriate for Toby physically, it was totally appropriate for him developmentally and this created a painful issue for us.  Toby cant walk to the top, and his daddy couldn't get up those stairs either, with out much puff its hard to climb stairs. Aimee came with us but she isn't strong enough to carry him, so that left me. All good Im happy to work hard, except I also have a medical condition, a very bad back from a work injury. I struggle to lift Toby now simply into and out of his bed is hard. However I have found that if I throw him over my shoulder like a “fireman's carry” then I can lift him for longer distances, but this was going to be a challenge, there are some serious steps leading up to the waterside. But how could I not, how could I let him become left out? I have worked so very hard for Toby to be included, and he wasn't going to miss out on a simple childhood pleasure, like the water slide, he’d been on them before when he was much lighter, and we know that he just loves anything like this, anything that creates a thrill excites Toby. 

So with a big deep breath, over the shoulder he went, one step at a time, up the slide I climbed, I wouldn't let it defeat me. I new what would surely be waiting for me at the end. As I climbed the stairs I realised again that this was just one of the many sets of steps that I would have to climb for our Toby, in a world that is designed for the abled, there are no elevators to fun for the disabled. Never thought about, until Toby entered our world, never questioned the lack of facilities especially in our home area, the North West Coast of Tasmania,  we don’t even have a disabled friendly playground, there are no slides that Toby can slip down, not without breaking his mummas back. there are no seesaws, or forts that he can enjoy, there is a Liberty swing, in our local park, but it has been dumped there, no thought as to its location,  dumped off to the side, so to play on it Toby would again be segregated from his peers, yet another reminder of all the things he struggles to do. 

Back to the water slide,  so I was climbing up the stairs and all the children seemed to love that Toby was joining in, he’s a bit of a celebrity it seems, and they all were delighted to see him climbing the slide, they let him in, allowed him to jump the Que., (thankfully as he is sooooo heavy) Carefully sitting down, I lowed him to my knees, his little body so tight with excitement, he was gasping the air into his little lungs, as I pushed us to start the slide.  Out came the biggest giggles,  a laugh so infectious, it made all the physical pain of climbing those stairs worth it, it made all the  emotional pain of climbing stairs for the last 5 years, worth it. and thanks to that laugh, to his jiggling, little giggle, I know I will continue to climb those stairs for him, I will do my best to break down those barriers that prevent him from having the same fun as his friends, as why shouldn't he?

Im not sure I’ll be able to get a lift put on every water slide, Im not sure what will happen in the future, as this is most likely the last time he will get to experience a water slide, truthfully, he is too big for me to carry now, but I do, Its sad to think that this could be his last time.. but I know, 

I’ll always be doing my darndest to hear that laugh, to see that smile, to be infected with his love, over and over. He is my inspiration, now…. back up those stairs for another turn :)

Travel.

Coming up to christmas our little family prepare for a BIG holiday. In a little over 4 weeks we will be embarking on the holiday of our dreams. For a very long time Kent and I have dreamed of travelling and camping our way around our beautiful country. we dreamed of long trips, and just pulling over to camp wherever we felt we wanted or wherever looked nice. we dreamt of long walks along beaches and refreshing splashes in little picturesque water holes. Originally our dream would be to take a few months off and just wander whoever our hearts took us. As time passed this dream has been broken down and when Kent was diagnosed with cancer it was put on hold and almost forgotten about. 

But we have decided to do it. My sister who lives in Darwin is travelling to Queensland for christmas to spend it with her partners family, and we decided, on a whim, to kick up our heels and just do it, we are going to meet her and her family in Queensland for Christmas. The kids Finnish school and then we are out of here. We jump on the Spirit of Tasmania for a day sail in on the 20th december, and then, camping our way up, we have just 3 days to get to Queensland, as we have planned to spend christmas eve at the fun parks, and to camp, with my sister, christmas Day. 

Its going to be tough, we have little money and both Kent and I suffer form chronic pain, and Toby doesn't sit well for long periods in a car seat. However, we are going to give it out best shot, well stop when we need and drive when we can. Our Plan is to call into Summer Bay (Palm Beach) so the kids can see where Home and Away is cast. and go for a swim on the beautiful beach.  just some great photo opportunities and something special to do. other than that we have no plans. Just driving, Camping and Family time. and I just can not wait for this. 

Our trip will see us spending christmas in QLD with my twin sister and her beautiful family, and on boxing day, I will fly back to Tasmania with my 3 other children, bringing them back to spend time with their father, and I attending, my best friends wedding before jumping back on the plane to meet Kent and Toby at Rockhampton.  There we will spend a night with my cousin on her beautiful property, before heading on the Townsvill, travelling and camping with my sister.  before breaking apart and leaving just Kent Toby, and myself to find our way back,  Kent, Toby and I have around 3 weeks to get home, and not plans as to how we will do it.  WOW, 

I just can't wait, we are thinking that we will head back through the center to South Australia and then back along the great ocean road before boarding the Spirit of Tas to come home again.   Talk about the holiday of the life time.  I am so looking forward to early morning sun rises, splashes in the ocean, the smell of salt air, as well as the heat of the sun as it lashes the harsh terrain of outback Australia. the many animals that we will see, the many flora that we will smell. I cant wait to teach Toby and the others all the Real things in life. all the beauty that there is in our world.  I cant wait to take our time to do whatever takes our fancy that day. I cant wait to do the fun parks and to see the wonder and excitement on my children's faces, oh man, I just cant wait. I feel so very blessed to have this opportunity. To have the time to spend together as a family, to have the option to complete a long awaited dream of ours. the memories that we will make, will stay with us for a lifetime. I am so very thankful that myself and the children will remember this holiday with Kent well past the day that he is no longer with us. This is our chance to make memorise. our chance to be family our chance to explore our amazing country, 

Just cant wait!!!

About 2 weeks ago we were having a battle with Toby not wanting to wear his Cochlear Implant Processors, we thought that is was due to that fact that we have to tape them to his hear, and double sided tape to his ears. we thought it was because the tape pulled, and we were trying to think of ways to help him, but really the only way to hold them on his ears is to tape them there. But one of my special Face Book Friends (a mother of an older child with severe CP) suggested that we actually ask Toby why he didn't want to wear them. Duh!  why didn't we thing of that. 

So we pulled out his special PODD communication book, and asked him why? expecting to know the answer we were both shocked and completely heartbroken to hear him say that he didn't want to ware them because they made him different. wow, how do you handle that? 

For the first time ever Toby had expressed sadness due to his disabilities. I knew that it was coming, I knew that one day we would have to deal with it, I just wished that one day was a long way off. To hear this from Toby, brought about our sadness for him and stirred up many suppresses emotions, grief for all the things that Toby would never be able to do, for all the dream that have had to be altered or forgotten as his abilities differ so much to our dreams and hopes for our son. 

To hear that at just 5, he was starting to understand that he is different and to start to reject that was just heartbreaking. 

Immediately we knew that we were our of our depth, we sought help with a social worker with the RIDBC, (Royal, Institute of Deaf & Blind Children) in Sydney, and I have a very informative session with the psychologist. who deals with non verbal children all the time. she explained that although it was a sore spot for Toby that we  had to make him put on his cochlear implant processors just like we would make him brush his teeth, we had to make it, a NO option subject, as if we give him an option he will be loosing valuable hearing time and could develop tinnitus due to the hearing nerve trying to search for sound.  

Kent and I didn't like the idea of pushing him to do something he didn't wish to do, as Toby is such an easy going boy and doesn't normally make a fuss. We have been working so hard to give him a voice, that we didn't like that we would be taking it away form him by forcing him to wear him processors against his will.  now we have such a tough decision, 

He does not complain, he does not wish to run, to play rough & tumble with the other boys, he never gets upset over his lack of ability to do the tasks that we all take for granted,  he very rarely even gets frustrated,  so for us to ignore this reaction is a very tall task.  Although for the greater good, maybe, he just doesn't want to hear? It is interesting that, with all his differences, and all his disabilities, that he has chosen this… his hearing to be the first upsetting factor.  it is probably one of the only ones that we can actually fix for him! 

Kent and I thought that we needed more guidance regarding this, and upon discussion which his school, they too could use more guidance upon Tobys actual condition and different ways to help get the best out of him. so we have decided a visit to the RIDB centre in Sydney would be worth while. we video conference with a speech therapist from there once a week for a therapy session, but a Trip to the centre would provide a full assessment, including medical, physiotherapy, speech therapy, occupational therapy, ophthalmological assessment, and psychological assessment. it could give us a good map for the next few moths to help lay good foundations for early next year in prep and beyond. This trip is a must.   So next week we will be bound for Sydney, to help us answer some uninsured questions and to help us deal with the many hard days with Toby to come, as he learns to accept his different abilities and the many differences between himself and his class mates. heartbreaking as it is, we are thankful that we have the help of a fully prepared team, who are there just to help us as we need. despite a few teething issues, they are all there to help us on this journey. Without them we would be lost.  

Travelling,

Always been a hard thing for us to do, both Kent and I have always love to get out and about. When we first met we use to take every opportunity to  get away, a long weekend, or any weekend, we would take off, traveling around we would try and book a spa cabin so that we could stay in luxury, it was our thing, to jump into the spa together and enjoy a bottle of wine or two, Cradle Mountain, picturesque Stanley, Hobart, anywhere we felt the need, we love to go camping we can rough it with the best, however over the years we have managed to build up some pretty crush equipment and now we camp in luxury. I remember we got engaged on a trip to Wickham where we were visiting with his sisters. Ever since Toby came into our lives, our travelling has slowed down a lot, we still go camping, we still fly, but we don’t very often get the chance to take off for a weekend spa. 

Our Travel has changed,  it now comes down to matriculate organisation. we have to carry spares of just about every thing, as with with us, we have realised over the years that, what ever can go wrong will usually go wrong. Im siting her at the airport typing this, we are waiting to get on a plane to Sydney,  without Kent this time, he's not well enough to travel and asset me with Toby, so Iv taken Larissa this time, she's our pac mule. 

We have carry on bags, we have toby in his chair, we have drinks, the laptop, iPads, I phones, handbags, the list goes on, and somehow we have to carry all this, plus Toby up into the waiting plane, balance Toby precariously over my shoulder in a Fireman’s like carry, while I hand over our boarding passes.  No one help you, they wouldn't dare, for they might get sued if something goes wrong,  don’t get me wrong they do mean well but they don’t actually help, This time we are getting the lift to the top of the stairs, but I still have to carry Toby, he’s too floppy to get into the aisle chair that they airlines have. we have booked a upper torso harness this flight although I needn't bother as it wont really hold him in place,  nothing really holds him, but Ill sit him between myself and Larissa and well squash him in. Well support him up the whole 2 hour flight to Sydney, then be the last to disembark, waiting in the heat, hoping with everything that they will have his wheelchair waiting at the gate for him. hoping it hasn't been lost. 

Travel has become harder, It involves, making sure we all have enough medication, making sure we have batteries and chargers for Tobys hearing aids, he is tube fed too so that includes tubes and feeds to take to keep him nourished, this trip we are staying for a week and Toby is on a blended diet that means that we blend real food up into an oblivion and then push that through his gastrostomy, so Today we have a blender packed in out bags, just incase there isn't one at the school we are staying at. 

Toby needs his nappies and snacks and oh we must take his PODD book, his words… next trip Im guessing well be taking his Eye gaze computer too. it never ends. we could fill a trailer full if we could carry it. oh in fact we are taking a trailer on our next trip,  but its loaded full of camping gear and will be u much more enjoyable trip than this. 

Flying with a special needs child is hard,  Flying with any child is hard,  but one that cant walk, cant talk, cant sit… its so draining. but its worth it. when we get to Sydney we have lots in store for Toby, lots of assessments this trip, we are visiting the RIDBC, the Royal Institute for the Deaf and Blind Children for Toby to undertake a series of assessments, so that the school can assertion exactly where he is at with his learning, and the best ways to get the most of him. We are hoping for big things, we are hoping that the eye gaze computer that is coming will assist with this, but we are really looking for his motivators and how best to help him move forward. Im also looking forward to the heat of Sydney, most people dont like the stifling heat but love it, it makes my back feel so much better, I an move more freely and I feel so much happier.  bring on the learning and the warm weather,  stay in touch, to see how we go…..

heartbreak

About 2 weeks ago we were having a battle with Toby not wanting to wear his Cochlear Implant Processors, we thought that is was due to that fact that we have to tape them to his hear, and double sided tape to his ears. we thought it was because the tape pulled, and we were trying to think of ways to help him, but really the only way to hold them on his ears is to tape them there. But one of my special Face Book Friends (a mother of an older child with severe CP) suggested that we actually ask Toby why he didn't want to wear them. Duh!  why didn't we thing of that. 

So we pulled out his special PODD communication book, and asked him why? expecting to know the answer we were both shocked and completely heartbroken to hear him say that he didn't want to ware them because they made him different. wow, how do you handle that? 

For the first time ever Toby had expressed sadness due to his disabilities. I knew that it was coming, I knew that one day we would have to deal with it, I just wished that one day was a long way off. To hear this from Toby, brought about our sadness for him and stirred up many suppresses emotions, grief for all the things that Toby would never be able to do, for all the dream that have had to be altered or forgotten as his abilities differ so much to our dreams and hopes for our son. 

To hear that at just 5, he was starting to understand that he is different and to start to reject that was just heartbreaking. 

Immediately we knew that we were our of our depth, we sought help with a social worker with the RIDBC, (Royal, Institute of Deaf & Blind Children) in Sydney, and I have a very informative session with the psychologist. who deals with non verbal children all the time. she explained that although it was a sore spot for Toby that we  had to make him put on his cochlear implant processors just like we would make him brush his teeth, we had to make it, a NO option subject, as if we give him an option he will be loosing valuable hearing time and could develop tinnitus due to the hearing nerve trying to search for sound.  

Kent and I didn't like the idea of pushing him to do something he didn't wish to do, as Toby is such an easy going boy and doesn't normally make a fuss. We have been working so hard to give him a voice, that we didn't like that we would be taking it away form him by forcing him to wear him processors against his will.  now we have such a tough decision, 

He does not complain, he does not wish to run, to play rough & tumble with the other boys, he never gets upset over his lack of ability to do the tasks that we all take for granted,  he very rarely even gets frustrated,  so for us to ignore this reaction is a very tall task.  Although for the greater good, maybe, he just doesn't want to hear? It is interesting that, with all his differences, and all his disabilities, that he has chosen this… his hearing to be the first upsetting factor.  it is probably one of the only ones that we can actually fix for him! 

Kent and I thought that we needed more guidance regarding this, and upon discussion which his school, they too could use more guidance upon Tobys actual condition and different ways to help get the best out of him. so we have decided a visit to the RIDB centre in Sydney would be worth while. we video conference with a speech therapist from there once a week for a therapy session, but a Trip to the centre would provide a full assessment, including medical, physiotherapy, speech therapy, occupational therapy, ophthalmological assessment, and psychological assessment. it could give us a good map for the next few moths to help lay good foundations for early next year in prep and beyond. This trip is a must.   So next week we will be bound for Sydney, to help us answer some uninsured questions and to help us deal with the many hard days with Toby to come, as he learns to accept his different abilities and the many differences between himself and his class mates. heartbreaking as it is, we are thankful that we have the help of a fully prepared team, who are there just to help us as we need. despite a few teething issues, they are all there to help us on this journey. Without them we would be lost.  

exciting times

Coming up to christmas our little family prepare for a BIG holiday. In a little over 4 weeks we will be embarking on the holiday of our dreams. For a very long time Kent and I have dreamed of travelling and camping our way around our beautiful country. we dreamed of long trips, and just pulling over to camp wherever we felt we wanted or wherever looked nice. we dreamt of long walks along beaches and refreshing splashes in little picturesque water holes. Originally our dream would be to take a few months off and just wander whoever our hearts took us. As time passed this dream has been broken down and when Kent was diagnosed with cancer it was put on hold and almost forgotten about. 

But we have decided to do it. My sister who lives in Darwin is travelling to Queensland for christmas to spend it with her partners family, and we decided, on a whim, to kick up our heels and just do it, we are going to meet her and her family in Queensland for Christmas. The kids Finnish school and then we are out of here. We jump on the Spirit of Tasmania for a day sail in on the 20th december, and then, camping our way up, we have just 3 days to get to Queensland, as we have planned to spend christmas eve at the fun parks, and to camp, with my sister, christmas Day. 

Its going to be tough, we have little money and both Kent and I suffer form chronic pain, and Toby doesn't sit well for long periods in a car seat. However, we are going to give it out best shot, well stop when we need and drive when we can. Our Plan is to call into Summer Bay (Palm Beach) so the kids can see where Home and Away is cast. and go for a swim on the beautiful beach.  just some great photo opportunities and something special to do. other than that we have no plans. Just driving, Camping and Family time. and I just can not wait for this. 

Our trip will see us spending christmas in QLD with my twin sister and her beautiful family, and on boxing day, I will fly back to Tasmania with my 3 other children, bringing them back to spend time with their father, and I attending, my best friends wedding before jumping back on the plane to meet Kent and Toby at Rockhampton.  There we will spend a night with my cousin on her beautiful property, before heading on the Townsvill, travelling and camping with my sister.  before breaking apart and leaving just Kent Toby, and myself to find our way back,  Kent, Toby and I have around 3 weeks to get home, and not plans as to how we will do it.  WOW, 

I just can't wait, we are thinking that we will head back through the center to South Australia and then back along the great ocean road before boarding the Spirit of Tas to come home again.   Talk about the holiday of the life time.  I am so looking forward to early morning sun rises, splashes in the ocean, the smell of salt air, as well as the heat of the sun as it lashes the harsh terrain of outback Australia. the many animals that we will see, the many flora that we will smell. I cant wait to teach Toby and the others all the Real things in life. all the beauty that there is in our world.  I cant wait to take our time to do whatever takes our fancy that day. I cant wait to do the fun parks and to see the wonder and excitement on my children's faces, oh man, I just cant wait. I feel so very blessed to have this opportunity. To have the time to spend together as a family, to have the option to complete a long awaited dream of ours. the memories that we will make, will stay with us for a lifetime. I am so very thankful that myself and the children will remember this holiday with Kent well past the day that he is no longer with us. This is our chance to make memorise. our chance to be family our chance to explore our amazing country, 

Just cant wait!!!